How To Give And Take In A Friendship
Two men caught my attention recently. They were sitting in the cafe at my local gym. In their seventies and very animated, they were asking some big questions: “So is there any benefit at all to getting old?” Delightfully, one of them was enjoying a lollypop and I wondered if they’d been friends since they were kids.
Their friendship was unique, of course, but their interaction looked typical of friends I’ve seen everywhere. Eyes fixed on each other, immersed in the listening and being heard of a true friendship. They were in the moment, energised and connected.
Friends are such a rich and important part of our lives. Here’s a refresher on how to embrace, nurture and sustain your friendships.
GIVE
Encouragement. Run your friend’s fan club with gusto! Support their dreams, highlight their strengths and celebrate their wins. When they’re down or doubtful, you have the resources - the memories, the understanding and the appreciation of their abilities - to lift them up with substance and love. Always look out for their best interests. Sometimes you’ll need to offer constructive feedback; other times you’ll need to nudge them to act. So do so, when the time’s right, in the right way.
Your time. To maintain a strong connection, it’s important to prioritise your friendships and schedule catch ups you commit to. If you don’t have time for a face-to-face catch up, a 10-minute call will still provide the laughs as well as advice and support. When life gets hectic, create small moments of connection to stay in touch. Send a quick text or image to let your friend know you’re thinking of them.
Forgiveness. No person or relationship is perfect all the time. Sometimes a comment or action will disappoint you. Other times, prickliness or neglect may visit your friendship. Don’t let a small bump ruin your road trip. Show some leniency, let it go, and focus on your friend’s kind actions and the importance of your friendship.
TAKE
Emotional support. During life’s challenges, some people feel reluctant to ask for a friend’s time or to reveal vulnerabilities or fears. But friends want to be there for you. These deeper exchanges will bring you some comfort and strengthen your relationship. They also create a lovely cycle of care and reciprocation. The next time your friend needs your support, they’ll be more inclined to open up to you and you’ll be glad to be there for them.
Expert advice. Your friends have a broad range of skills and experience. These free resources are a call away. Utilise them! Got a presentation coming up? Speak to your friend who’s an experienced public speaker to get their tips and advice. Struggling to relate to a co-worker or extended family member? Consult your friend with the excellent interpersonal skills. A good friend will be happy (and feel great) to be your trusted adviser.
Gratitude. Be thankful for your friendships and enjoy the positive feelings that follow. Think back to that great show you saw together, the hilarious afternoon at the pub, or the fabulous weekend away. Tell them - in whatever way you’re comfortable - how much they mean to you. Add a warm glow by naming the qualities you treasure most about them and your friendship. And lastly, on a bad day or during a difficult time, try to draw on your friendships to remember the good things in your life.